Time4Learning Review

A few weeks back, a friend of mine forwarded an e-mail from Time4Learning that said I could try out Time4Learning with my homeschooler for 30 days, and then review the program, for free. Okay. About that time we were looking for something else to try out for homeschooling, so, yeah! Sign me up.

I did.  And I must say that for the most part, Time4Learning is a really worthwhile program. However: as a homeschooling parent, BE PREPARED to spend some time actually going over the curriculum, so you can match up your kid with the right place in the program.

Things I like: It's online, and it's a very reasonable price.  I have a lot of control over what my kid does (or doesn't do). It keeps my kid engaged. You can assign your student the chapter test before you have them do the work: that way, if they pass the test, they don't have to go over material they already know. Genius.

Things that could work better: I have yet to get onto the Parent forums, and that's not for lack of trying! Every time I tried this it timed out. Also, I wish there were chapter tests in 8th grade math - that way I could more easily figure out where my kid needs to be in the curriculum.

Overall, minor complaints for a very thorough program.

On another note: Odysseyware is used by a local school district for their in-school suspension room.  (Ask me how I know this...) So this is a pretty legit program.   

Loving myself

So, I haven't been posting lately. I'm kind of embarrassed actually. I have felt very helpless in this journey of weight loss, and also very conflicted....let me explain. Helpless is because I haven't had access to a gym. (I'll get to conflicted in a minute.) 

Now, I know what you're thinking: Hey, if you can't work out at the gym, just do something at home! And you would basically be right in stating that. But unfortunately I not only have a hang-up about working out at home, I also have a bad knee...which was getting better through different exercises I was doing at the gym, that it would be hard to replicate here at home without gym equipment. 

Unfortunately we had to temporarily stop the gym membership due to financial reasons. So no gym, for awhile. In order for me to get back to even a minimal level of physical fitness I simply need to have a functioning knee, therefore I need the gym. So there's that. 

The conflicted part comes in because I fully recognize what a sick culture we live in, where the ideal image of a beautiful woman is a woman who is vastly underweight but with big boobs. I wish I could say I am so enlightened that I'm beyond this imagery. But I am not. And it's not my husband, either; he loves me no matter how I look and he is, quite frankly, the most supportive husband in the history of the world. I adore that he lavishes me with love and tenderness regardless if I'm a size 4 or a size 14. It's not him. It's me. I have internalized the cultural myth that self-worth and public value are both tied in to a certain dress size. 

Now, again, I know what you're thinking. Why don't you just get over it? The only opinion that should matter is your husband's. And again: you would be right. But right or not, I still have internalized the cultural script that "thin is good," and it's not exactly simple to rid myself of this idea. In fact, it's almost foundational to my very being; I've been under pressure from this ever since my dad started working out when I was 10 years old and I got the message from him that personal value is established physically, both in attractiveness and in fitness.

So I'm stuck with this cultural and father-led script. And I'm also stuck with a body that does not respond well to anything less than hours of physical fitness combined with a high protein, low carb diet.

Basically, I've pretty much been feeling sorry for myself. I know that's ridiculous. I do understand how pathetic that is. Which is precisely why I haven't been writing on this blog....I knew where I was at, and I knew it wasn't going to change anytime soon.

All that brings me to yesterday. For the past several weeks I have been embracing a very nihilistic attitude of, "I'm broken and I can't fix myself so why not drown my sorrows in food?" that I was pretending was an attitude of " my husband thinks I'm beautiful the way I am so I can have as many cookies as I want." All of which boils down to me eating a crap ton of crap food while fooling myself that it doesn't matter.
But then I had this revelation last night. It was Valentine's Day yesterday so I suppose I was thinking about love in general. But then last night, as I was going to bed, it hit me: have I been showing love to myself by shoving cookies down my throat? 

This stopped me. In one moment, I finally understood. It's not as much about losing weight as it is about loving myself.
This may seem very simple to you, but to me, this was an astonishing realization. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have wasted almost my entire life feeling like I was a moral failure for not being thin. And because of this, I have not allowed myself to be loving towards myself. 

Jesus said we are to love or neighbors as we love ourselves. We are to actually love ourselves. This is radical! It means that for me to really love those around me, I need to first love....me. Not in a vain way, not to be arrogant, but in the all-encompassing agape way, with compassion and mercy and non-judgmentalism.

The Hungry Thing

This is my grandson. My husband and I have figured out that this kid has 2 basic emotions: happy, or mad. Keep him fed - he's happy! When he's tired - wow, he gets really angry!

Here, grandson is being fed tiny pieces of bread. He is happy about this. It keeps him busy, and he gets to eat, both of which are important. Also: it's really, really, really cute to watch him feed himself! 

Okay, so: the dark side to feeding baby. Turns out, grandson has a sweet tooth. (Kinda like mom and grandma.) And grandson really likes ice cream.  Watch how angry he gets when he doesn't get ENOUGH ice cream!

Happy baby

My sweet little grandson...such a smiley, happy little guy!

Spinach Feta Wrap

So, you like Starbucks' Spinach, Feta & Egg White wrap? 

Me too!!

Here is my version:



Sauteed onions, garlic, mushroom (which is not in the Starbucks version) & baby spinach added to egg whites, topped with a sprinkling of parmesan and feta, all wrapped up in a Flat-Out Light wrap.

Grady, the best dog ever

Grady.
The best dog in the world. 

No, seriously, I know you're dog is awesome and all that, I have no doubt...but really, this was an amazing dog.

Was - as in, he is no longer with us. 

Grady lived a full life. He was 14 years old, working on 15. He passed away yesterday morning.

How Grady came to us is an interesting story: Husband used to work at a dealership with a guy we'll call Max.  Max and his family have a small farm, with chickens. At that time Max had a German Shepherd puppy that was given to him by someone who, for some reason, thought having a large dog in a small apartment would be a good idea, but it turned out that wasn't the case....so Max got the puppy.  For awhile, this off-white Shepherd was fine. Not a problem. But then: he found a chicken. And this now-overgrown 9-month-old puppy discovered chickens are, well, food. So he ate one.

This would not do, to have a chicken-eating dog on a farm with chickens.  Max and his wife rounded up the chickens, tried to keep them from getting out of their pen; but eventually, another chicken got out, and the German Shepherd pup got another one. Max's wife said she tried "everything" to keep the dog from eating more chickens. She even tied a chicken carcass to his neck, but he didn't stop.

That's when Max called us. Asked if we would like a dog. We said we would think about it.

In the meantime, our soon-to-be dog ate another chicken, and Max had had enough. He went to put the dog down. Now, Max is a farmer, and a farmer from Texas: in other words, this guy has been around firearms his whole life. He knows how to shoot a gun. Max takes the dog out back, ties him up, aims (at pretty much point-blank range)....and misses. The dog freaks out. Heart pounding, Max takes aim again. Misses again. By this time the dog is frantically bucking around on the rope.  "I don't know how I could miss him at point-blank range. I especially don't know how I could miss a second time," Max confides to my husband. "I figured it was God's way of saying not to put the dog down."

So I went to pick up this miraculous dog. Named him Grady. Since Grady had first been raised in an apartment, he was not only housebroken, but he never - I mean NEVER - reared up on his hind legs. Not once, ever.  Which I always wondered at. I've never been around a dog that didn't rear up on its hind legs at least when playing. But Grady never, ever did that.  Also, despite the German Shepherd reputation for fence-jumping, Grady never jumped the fence at our house, although a 4-foot fence is basically nothing for an athletic 100-lb dog. 

Which is not to say Grady never got out of the fence!  Because that, he did do. Grady would flip open the latch of the fence with his nose.  To keep him in, we had to make sure the latch stayed closed. A small stick or a leash clip would do.

We always joked that it was a good thing Grady didn't have opposable thumbs, or he'd take over.

Grady was a good dog for our family. He loved kids...all kids, everywhere. He watched over my kids when they played in our yard. He followed them when they went to play with their neighbor friends, and he watched them there, too. If my kids weren't home, Grady would go watch the neighbor kids anyway. It was his job.  Grady also waited for my kids to get off the school bus: every day, just before the bus came, Grady would go to the end of the driveway and wait. Greeting my kids with a happy lolling smile and a friendly tail wag.

He didn't just look after kids, he looked after kittens, too. Once my next-door-neighbor saw Grady walking around with a tiny kitten in his mouth. She screamed. "NO! No, Grady, put it down!"

"I thought he was going to eat it!" she told me.

Grady just looked at her, then he lay down, depositing the now very scared kitten in front of him. He looked over at my neighbor, then looked back at the kitten. Then he licked the kitten. Panting happily, tail waving, he kept watch over that kitten, occasionally licking and nuzzling the poor little thing. The kitten's perimeter was apparently circled by Grady's chest and front legs. Whenever the kitten tried to escape from this doggie yard, Grady would lean over, gently take up the kitten in his mouth, and deposit it right back in front of him.

Grady was a very doggie dog. He was very much into pack order. Other dogs - some ours, some not - came and went through our household over the years, and Grady made sure they knew their place.  One dog barked at our cat and tried to chase it: Grady put an end to that in a hurry, barking urgently (and more ferociously than the other dog).  That dog never chased our cat again. Or if he thought about it, one jaundiced look from Grady would convince him otherwise.

He was a protector. I didn't really know this at first. I thought he was kind of a marshmallow for a German Shepherd; thought the guarding instinct wasn't all that strong. For one thing, I didn't think he barked at anyone. I was pretty sure he'd let anyone in the house.  But I was wrong. One time when the propane company came to fill up the tank in our yard, Grady let the guy into the yard...but not out. Apparently, Grady trapped this guy on top of the propane tank. Grady stood there barking and growling, while the guy stood on the tank hollering for help. Eventually my next-door-neighbor's husband heard the commotion and went to investigate. "I saw the guy there on top of the tank, and I just called Grady over so he could leave," he told me. He didn't know why Grady hated that guy. I didn't either. But I was secretly pleased my dog had done some guardin', whether or not it was justified.

Grady also looked after our babysitter. He would walk her down to her house whenever she left. She would tell him to go home but he would stay right with her. Right up to her driveway, where he would stop and watch her as she went to her door. Grady would not leave until she actually went into the house. 

There are other stories, too - many, many more - but these are my favorites.

He will be missed.

So. LAME.

Yeah, I'm lame, I admit it. Almost embrace it, really.

I don't have an excuse. The holidays? Meh. That's no reason. Been busy with the kids underfoot? Hm. Again, no reason. Feeling sorry for myself because we are on a strict budget? Wow, that is the WORST excuse EVER. And more evidence of my intrinsic lame-ness.

So, no, I don't have an excuse for not keeping up with this blog.

How is the weight loss going, you ask?

*sigh*

I'd rather you not ask, actually. Because...it's not. Going. The weight loss.

It's not that I've given up....more like, been sidetracked?  With all those non-excuses above.

That, and I need to temporarily find a different way or place to work out, which makes things a little more complicated.

Also, I may be looking for a job very soon. But I don't think that's a bad thing, necessarily; although I'd rather not have my little grandson in daycare, and I would also rather keep my 13-y-o son out of public school, still, having a job would force a little more structure onto my shapeless days, and that might be just the motivation I need to start working out again (and to stick with a diet again).

What have we been up to for the past month or so?  Well, we had Christmas, of course, and we got to see family: my mom and stepdad came for a visit; another day we met my dad and stepmom for dinner; then, finally, my in-laws came for a couple days, and that was probably the best gift of all since we haven't seen them in a year! And they hadn't met our little grandson yet! We were very blessed they got to come.

My older daughter has been continuing to work at the pharmacy, which was recently bought out by a Big, Nationwide Pharmacy Chain....much to her chagrin and to the consternation of her fellow workers. Older Daughter was planning to stick around awhile with this new pharmacy but the longer she stays, the worse it gets. Some of the differences: BNPC is open on Sundays, where before they were always closed. The workers' schedules are no longer set but instead change week to week. Employees have to have their purses and pockets searched anytime they leave the store. (I guess I understand this...shrinkage is a big concern with retail...but man, that's dehumanizing!) And worst of all: Big, Nationwide Pharmacy Chain has virtually NO full-time employees.  Older Daughter took off from school this semester so she could work full time (and in fact, under the old regime, she was told she would get to work full-time). But now it looks like she will have to find another job.

And I need to do some organizing. House is cluttery.

Someone send the Cleaning Fairies, please. And the Job Fairy. And the fairy that will wave her wand so my metabolism goes from "needs to work out an hour a day just to maintain a normal-ish weight" to "high metabolic rate means I can eat whatever I want and not gain an ounce."