A few weeks back, a friend of mine forwarded an e-mail from Time4Learning that said I could try out Time4Learning with my homeschooler for 30 days, and then review the program, for free. Okay. About that time we were looking for something else to try out for homeschooling, so, yeah! Sign me up.
I did. And I must say that for the most part, Time4Learning is a really worthwhile program. However: as a homeschooling parent, BE PREPARED to spend some time actually going over the curriculum, so you can match up your kid with the right place in the program.
Things I like: It's online, and it's a very reasonable price. I have a lot of control over what my kid does (or doesn't do). It keeps my kid engaged. You can assign your student the chapter test before you have them do the work: that way, if they pass the test, they don't have to go over material they already know. Genius.
Things that could work better: I have yet to get onto the Parent forums, and that's not for lack of trying! Every time I tried this it timed out. Also, I wish there were chapter tests in 8th grade math - that way I could more easily figure out where my kid needs to be in the curriculum.
Overall, minor complaints for a very thorough program.
On another note: Odysseyware is used by a local school district for their in-school suspension room. (Ask me how I know this...) So this is a pretty legit program.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
Loving myself
So, I haven't been posting lately. I'm kind of embarrassed actually. I have felt very helpless in this journey of weight loss, and also very conflicted....let me explain. Helpless is because I haven't had access to a gym. (I'll get to conflicted in a minute.)
Now, I know what you're thinking: Hey, if you can't work out at the gym, just do something at home! And you would basically be right in stating that. But unfortunately I not only have a hang-up about working out at home, I also have a bad knee...which was getting better through different exercises I was doing at the gym, that it would be hard to replicate here at home without gym equipment.
Unfortunately we had to temporarily stop the gym membership due to financial reasons. So no gym, for awhile. In order for me to get back to even a minimal level of physical fitness I simply need to have a functioning knee, therefore I need the gym. So there's that.
The conflicted part comes in because I fully recognize what a sick culture we live in, where the ideal image of a beautiful woman is a woman who is vastly underweight but with big boobs. I wish I could say I am so enlightened that I'm beyond this imagery. But I am not. And it's not my husband, either; he loves me no matter how I look and he is, quite frankly, the most supportive husband in the history of the world. I adore that he lavishes me with love and tenderness regardless if I'm a size 4 or a size 14. It's not him. It's me. I have internalized the cultural myth that self-worth and public value are both tied in to a certain dress size.
Now, again, I know what you're thinking. Why don't you just get over it? The only opinion that should matter is your husband's. And again: you would be right. But right or not, I still have internalized the cultural script that "thin is good," and it's not exactly simple to rid myself of this idea. In fact, it's almost foundational to my very being; I've been under pressure from this ever since my dad started working out when I was 10 years old and I got the message from him that personal value is established physically, both in attractiveness and in fitness.
So I'm stuck with this cultural and father-led script. And I'm also stuck with a body that does not respond well to anything less than hours of physical fitness combined with a high protein, low carb diet.
Basically, I've pretty much been feeling sorry for myself. I know that's ridiculous. I do understand how pathetic that is. Which is precisely why I haven't been writing on this blog....I knew where I was at, and I knew it wasn't going to change anytime soon.
All that brings me to yesterday. For the past several weeks I have been embracing a very nihilistic attitude of, "I'm broken and I can't fix myself so why not drown my sorrows in food?" that I was pretending was an attitude of " my husband thinks I'm beautiful the way I am so I can have as many cookies as I want." All of which boils down to me eating a crap ton of crap food while fooling myself that it doesn't matter.
But then I had this revelation last night. It was Valentine's Day yesterday so I suppose I was thinking about love in general. But then last night, as I was going to bed, it hit me: have I been showing love to myself by shoving cookies down my throat?
This stopped me. In one moment, I finally understood. It's not as much about losing weight as it is about loving myself.
This may seem very simple to you, but to me, this was an astonishing realization. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have wasted almost my entire life feeling like I was a moral failure for not being thin. And because of this, I have not allowed myself to be loving towards myself.
Jesus said we are to love or neighbors as we love ourselves. We are to actually love ourselves. This is radical! It means that for me to really love those around me, I need to first love....me. Not in a vain way, not to be arrogant, but in the all-encompassing agape way, with compassion and mercy and non-judgmentalism.
Now, I know what you're thinking: Hey, if you can't work out at the gym, just do something at home! And you would basically be right in stating that. But unfortunately I not only have a hang-up about working out at home, I also have a bad knee...which was getting better through different exercises I was doing at the gym, that it would be hard to replicate here at home without gym equipment.
Unfortunately we had to temporarily stop the gym membership due to financial reasons. So no gym, for awhile. In order for me to get back to even a minimal level of physical fitness I simply need to have a functioning knee, therefore I need the gym. So there's that.
The conflicted part comes in because I fully recognize what a sick culture we live in, where the ideal image of a beautiful woman is a woman who is vastly underweight but with big boobs. I wish I could say I am so enlightened that I'm beyond this imagery. But I am not. And it's not my husband, either; he loves me no matter how I look and he is, quite frankly, the most supportive husband in the history of the world. I adore that he lavishes me with love and tenderness regardless if I'm a size 4 or a size 14. It's not him. It's me. I have internalized the cultural myth that self-worth and public value are both tied in to a certain dress size.
Now, again, I know what you're thinking. Why don't you just get over it? The only opinion that should matter is your husband's. And again: you would be right. But right or not, I still have internalized the cultural script that "thin is good," and it's not exactly simple to rid myself of this idea. In fact, it's almost foundational to my very being; I've been under pressure from this ever since my dad started working out when I was 10 years old and I got the message from him that personal value is established physically, both in attractiveness and in fitness.
So I'm stuck with this cultural and father-led script. And I'm also stuck with a body that does not respond well to anything less than hours of physical fitness combined with a high protein, low carb diet.
Basically, I've pretty much been feeling sorry for myself. I know that's ridiculous. I do understand how pathetic that is. Which is precisely why I haven't been writing on this blog....I knew where I was at, and I knew it wasn't going to change anytime soon.
All that brings me to yesterday. For the past several weeks I have been embracing a very nihilistic attitude of, "I'm broken and I can't fix myself so why not drown my sorrows in food?" that I was pretending was an attitude of " my husband thinks I'm beautiful the way I am so I can have as many cookies as I want." All of which boils down to me eating a crap ton of crap food while fooling myself that it doesn't matter.
But then I had this revelation last night. It was Valentine's Day yesterday so I suppose I was thinking about love in general. But then last night, as I was going to bed, it hit me: have I been showing love to myself by shoving cookies down my throat?
This stopped me. In one moment, I finally understood. It's not as much about losing weight as it is about loving myself.
This may seem very simple to you, but to me, this was an astonishing realization. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have wasted almost my entire life feeling like I was a moral failure for not being thin. And because of this, I have not allowed myself to be loving towards myself.
Jesus said we are to love or neighbors as we love ourselves. We are to actually love ourselves. This is radical! It means that for me to really love those around me, I need to first love....me. Not in a vain way, not to be arrogant, but in the all-encompassing agape way, with compassion and mercy and non-judgmentalism.
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